A Conversation on Relationships enlightens students

A panelist of four faculty members from NEIU gave advice and used life experiences to guide guests on how to maintain healthy relationships during a discussion held on Nov. 19 in the Student Union.

"The Conversation on Relationships" panel consisted of Flora Llacuna, Coordinator of Student Enrichment Programs, Hamid Akbari, Deptartment Chair and Professor of Marketing Management, Sheena L. Warren, Director of Adult and Women Student Programs and Jade Stanley, Department Chair and Associate Professor of Social Work. The event was moderated by Yasmin Ranney, Assistant Dean of Academic Development, and hosted by the 2010 Black History Month Committee Chair Robert E. Bedford and Co-Chair Alice Pennamon.

Ranney presented the speakers and started off the conversation with a question: What are some strategies in order to create a good relationship?    Relationships start with you:  Llacuna answered first and said that one must have a good relationship with his/herself in order to have one with others. She mentioned various quotes that inspired her, including Emily Dickinson's, "Assumptions are the termites of relationships." Llacuna said that this is most important to keep in mind when meeting a new person.

Having dynamic relationships with others, she said, means a person is a winner; those without closeness in their lives are losers. A good relationship with co-workers is composed of trust created over time. Through trust, people will come through for each other.

If relationships don't improve, Llacuna believes that "the ground is lost." She said this is true only when moral purpose precedes relationships. For this not to happen, it is up to the individual to make the difference.

She then concluded with a statement she came upon that said the human thought processes are logically metaphorical. Only the human mind can think metaphorically, and thus, only humans are granted the gift of connecting with one another.   Listening actively:  Akbari proposed to make his point through a social experiment: audience members were told to sit face to face with another person in the room who they did not know. One person was the Speaker and talked about themselves for 45 seconds, while the Listener had to say "I'm listening" every 15 seconds; then, the Listener had 15 seconds to repeat as much as they could remember. The pair was then asked to switch and perform the same thing.

Audience members agreed that in only those 45 seconds, they learned much about the person. Akbari concluded that it does not take much time to spare in one's life to socialize with others. He also noted that successful active listening includes feedback.

Like Llacuna, Akbari said developing trust happens over time. But sparing others the time to get to know them is the first step.   Know yourself and what you bring:   Warren began her speech by sharing the advice her grandmother used to tell her, "'Calm your spirit, girl-don't be narcissistic in life." She then listed aspects a person should have in life to complete the "building blocks of relationships".

Warren mentioned the Will Smith movie "I Am Legend" and said Smith's character "stayed [socially] interacted [because] a person can't do it by themselves"; if they do live alone, their heart withers.

She ended by advising the audience to not only know what they want to get from relationships, but to work on the lifelong "knowing and growing" process.   "Be impeccable with your word:"   Lastly, Stanley said that one should be humble and present wherever they are. Also, a person in a relationship should "be in it and be of it," or else they are not in it at all.

She strongly believes the quote "Be impeccable with your word" should be followed by those seeking strong relationships.

"Avoiding gossip and using the power of word in the direction of truth in love is hard," she said, "but it ultimately leads to being respected by others."

According to Stanley, a person should never take anything personally because things do not always go as planned. Even though this may be hard for a person to do, they will be able to learn through the suffering. Finally, Stanley said one should express themselves and do their best, since their best "always changes from moment to moment."    After the panel, the floor was open for questions from the audience.  Afterwards, Bedford thanked the panelists and guests for attending "a taste of the Black History Month Committee." The Committee plans on having monthly events such as the Conversation, including the Martin Luther King, Jr. celebration in January.