Holidays and family ties

Over the holidays my younger sister made a comment to me. She said, "Vicky, I just don't understand how some families can ignore each other and choose to spend the holidays with other people instead of their own families. It's so sad." Thinking about my sister's comment I also started reflecting on my own family's structure. We were a military family, so often times being able to be with my grandparents or cousins was not feasible because of the distance and my father's military obligations. However, every opportunity we had to be around our family during the holidays we took. Now as adults, our schedules are extremely hectic. We actually have to schedule in the holidays. But we make it happen, even if we have to celebrate Thanksgiving a day later (like we did last year) to accommodate people's schedules.

What about people who choose not to see their families because of fights or miscommunication? Some people cannot forgive, and some allow their new lives to take priority over their family. This to me is an unknown area, my family and I almost always disagree on something. However, my family is my family. Although sometimes I get to the point of wanting to go on with my life and not see them again, I start to think what if something happens? What if someone passes away and I never see them again? What if we never say we are sorry to one another? Am I so proud that I cannot muster up an apology? Am I so immature that I cannot just listen before making a judgment call?

No, I am a bigger person than that. I have had to swallow my pride and have kept my mouth shut for the sake of keeping ties with my family. There have been times that I have aired out my grievances and had full out fights with my family, mainly my sisters, where we have gotten so heated with one another that we have even almost come to full fist fights. Thankfully, we are all past physically harming one another and after the screaming and crying is over, the apologizing begins, then the hugs and laughter start and the argument is over with and buried away.

I don't believe that is the answer to most problems, though. Everyone and every family has problems unique to their own situation. Some people have tried to talk to family members and nothing ever gets accomplished and the disagreement just frustrates all parties involved. However, to let whatever argument you have with your family divide you from your blood ties is disheartening to say the least. My mother always told me that the one thing she regrets is turning her back on her family for so long because of their differences. When she did this, my sisters and I lost a lot of knowledge about ourselves and our heritage. I didn't find out I had an aunt and other cousins until I was 16. My sister and I do not speak Spanish although we have Spanish heritage. Our relationship with our grandmother is almost nonexistent. Trying to reconnect with my mother's family has been fruitless because of petty fights. It has gotten so bad that in the next 10 years or so my mother's family will no longer exist.

So, it's a question about whether it is actually worth fighting about. Is the argument or disagreement so bad that you would allow it to disrupt and destroy your family? The holidays are for forgiveness and remembering the joys in your life, good thoughts, good food and love. If you cannot forgive your family over the holidays, then when? Hopefully when it's not too late.