It’s Apr. 1 and you’re wondering what are the top stories in your average everyday entertainment tabloid. Well here’s what’s happening in entertainment’s neck of the woods.
Heath Ledger, after being recently revived from the grave, accepted the Oscar bestowed to him forty-six years ago for the award of Best Male Supporting Actor. During a moving speech Heath thanked his surviving family, along with the scientists that played God. No mention was made of recent statements made describing his new performances, as critics have described, as “being a bit stiff.”
Seventy three year old pop star and mother of fifteen Brittany Spears was in the spotlight today after accidently flashing photographers from an exposed dress on her way out of a limousine. Police were immediately called to the scene, and as of this writing five men and three women remain hospitalized under close psychological care. When asked why she had lifted up her dress to expose herself, she claimed that she was merely “checking to make sure there weren’t any more kids in there.”
ER returns to television this season with its twenty third cast change, and fans couldn’t be any more pleased. This time the entire cast will be played by robots, engineered and created to play melodramatic, emotionally unhinged characters. Though critics of the robots claim that they contain the equivalent emotion to that of a stump, the engineers argue that all the emotion of a stump is already greater than what the regular actors portrayed anyway.
Fashion has been flipped completely around when Jovan Oscavitc released his latest trend to the world: “Potpuno Nag.” Roughly translated to “Completely Nude,” this represents Jovan’s idea that the only clothes people need are the emotions they wear over their body. Anonymous flashers around the country claim that if everyone walked around nude, they would lose their only hobby.
The most expensive movie of all time, “The Long Way Down,” will be released in theaters next month, costing just over two billion dollars. Over its five years of filming the budget had grown from its initial five hundred million to its final summation. Critics predict that if new actors were cast instead of big stars, the movie would have actually cost just under fifty million dollars.
Finally, Doctors have reported that watching epic action films are bad for your health, causing unwanted stress. The Film Medical Council has determined to lower the maximum stress level of a movie within the next few months. The first movie to be released under this new regiment will be, “A Mild Breeze,” featuring the harrowing tale of a young man who must divert a five mile per hour wind, before it blows off a small, crumpled up piece of paper from atop a nearby fence.