Facing a budget crisis that could raise tuition for students and force cuts in developing and modernizing the university, Northeastern Illinois University President Sharon K. Hahs, announced a drastic solution to the problem March 21, 2009. Following the example set by many other Chicago institutions, most famously the former Comisky Park, Hahs has opened the university up for corporate sponsorship. Work on transforming the university is expected to begin at the end of the spring 2009 semester and finish before students return for the fall semester.
“Face it, our university buildings could use some better names,” Hahs explained. “The B building? Whoever thought of that? Now that could become the Best Buy Building! We already have a Chase ATM on campus; the C building could be the Chase Building!”
Students, however, were less than thrilled with the prospect of having a school bought out by a corporation. “Sure, we might have a more modern university, but what happens if we want to speak out against what that corporation is doing?” Gus Grissom, a junior and member of Green Cycle, argued. “If BP buys the school, what if we want to encourage people to bike to school? Will they even allow that?”
More complaints were raised especially now that the recent ‘Learn in the City’ marketing campaign drew more Chicagoans’ attention to the name ‘Northeastern Illinois University.’ “What if they change the name of our school to PepsiCo University?” complained Dee O’Hara, an employee at the Information Desk. “We would have spent all that money for nothing!”
“What am I supposed to do if they change the name of the school?” Wally Schirra, a manager at Beck’s Bookstore, announced. “I have boxes of hoodies and T-shirts and coffee mugs that say ‘Northeastern Illinois University!’ What are we doing to do, sell ‘nostalgic’ souvenirs?”
Yet others argued that the benefits of a corporate sponsorship would outweigh the possible complications. “I think it would be great,” Alan B. Shepard, Jr., a freshman countered. “If they could give us money to do stuff with the school that I would have had to pay for, then who cares? I’m broke, man!”
“Maybe if we could convince an airline to buy our school, then they could give us free airfare for those classes that goes overseas?” Marge Slayton offered another viewpoint.
Whatever happens, the map of the school will never be the same. Although it may be difficult to feel any lingering affection for the unimaginative names of some of the school buildings, the alternative could always be much worse.
“Oh, I got it!” President Hahs continued. “The D building could be the Dunkin’ Doughnuts Building! Everyone likes doughnuts, right?”