Regarding the religious group of the Mission Baptist Church that appeared on campus with signs saying, “Ask me why you deserve to go to hell?”–an event reported in the Independent (Sept. 15, 2009). I want to tell them why, I think, I especially deserve to go to hell.
Their presence reminded me of the signs that were posted in stencil round Chicago years ago. The told us, “There are no fornicators and adulterers in Heaven.” And that’s when I realized I deserved to go to hell because that’s where God was keeping the fornicators.
I figured I wasn’t getting enough of it on this earth from either married or unmarried women, so I figured I deserved to go to hell to make up for what I was missing here. Even if I was getting it here, the women usually whispered to me, “Aren’t you through yet? I need to get to sleep.” Sometimes they even fell asleep before I was through. I figured if I went to hell and some woman in hell asked me that question, I could reply, “What’s the rush? We have all eternity.”
When one gets to heaven, what does he find there? Christians! Good Christian women and men like Greg Davis of the Mission Independent Baptist Church. I figure, Why would I want to spend eternity with people like that? So, please God, I think I’ve made my case. I deserve it, send me to the place with the fornicators.
Sincerely,Harry WhiteProf. of English