So a black guy, a white guy, and a Latino guy walk into a bar…and this is the beginning to thousands of jokes that have spanned much time and space. The guy in the joke can be substituted for just about anything. A Christian, a Jew, and a Muslim. A Democrat, a Republican, and an Independent. The list goes on. As long as they are all walking into a bar, similar rules of etiquette apply.
This cross-cultural, cross-gender phenomenon is one I like to call Bar Speak. What are acceptable standards of communication in a bar? Is there an “everything goes” mentality once the brew is flowing? Or are there boundaries?
It is not uncommon for business colleagues to discuss proposals and future projects over a scotch. However, long-time friends might avoid shop-talk for fear of ruining the fun. College students may be found discussing term papers and rating professors over pints of ale in the winter. But summer months require less academic dialogue. Mothers may congregate around martinis and discuss Timmy’s latest tantrums. Add a single woman to that group and the conversation takes a different turn.
The rules of communication in Bar Speak are very fluid. Each group has a different set of rules and the rules change with every scenario. This may seem confusing and overwhelming to some. To ease the anxious, however, there are no penalties for breaking the rules of Bar Speak. The rules are simply suggestions, even standing traditions, which are learned as you go, and aid in making nights go more smoothly.
Like many social rules, there is no official guidebook for Bar Speak. However, a person that has crossed the boundaries of acceptable conversation will know immediately that they have blundered. For subtle hints, look for the awkward silences, sideways glances and quick changes in topic by other members of the group. Some groups are more vocal and a Bar Speak blunder can result in overt insults and loud arguments which can even lead to violence.
The gender, race, religious views, political affiliations, and socio-economic class of group members can all influence the etiquette of Bar Speak. It is definitely a “learn-as-you-go” process. For those that don’t get it, sometimes it’s better to just shut up and drink your beer.